Everything I Need To Know I Learned In AC 195
by Mutsukai
Summary: Pretty self-explanatory. The cast are forced to talk about evrything they learned in AC 195. Oh, and Wufei gets beat on. (sorry) I'll update every day.
1. Edition 1

Mutsukai: Well, I'm back, and once again I have a simply WONDERFUL idea to   
present to all you folks out there.  
  
Kankyo: [sarcastically] Well, wasn't that just a bit too modest?  
  
Mutsukai: Hmph. Anyways, It is like my last fic, 'Everything I Really Need to   
Know I Learned in Kindergarten- Gundam Wing Style.' The only difference is that   
it is things that the g-boys 'learned' during AC 195. Now, Kankyo, roll the   
disclaimer!  
  
Kankyo: Gundam Wing, and all of its characters, does not belong to Mutsukai or   
I. However, this fic does.  
  
Mutsukai: Oh, PS, I am going to introduce some of the other characters into this   
one, just so it doesn't run dry.  
  
  
Everything I Really Need to Know I Learned in AC 195.  
  
  
Heero: Don't tell the Queen of the World you are going to kill her.  
  
Wufei: NEVER call Chinese women with blue eyes and blond hair in twists a   
'weak woman.'  
  
Quatre: Don't be surprised if a Gundam Pilot you killed comes back to life.  
  
Duo: Braids have a tendency to make people think you're a girl.  
  
Trowa: Don't get on the bad side of red-haired circus performers.  
  
Quatre: Ditto.  
  
Heero: If you attempt suicide many times and never succeed, you are obviously   
meant to fail.  
  
Zechs: Masks. Ah, the sweet beauty of masks.  
  
Mutsukai: Huh??? Zechs, sweetie, take my word for it- You look much better   
sans mask.  
  
Noin: Ahem. [grabs Zechs] MINE!!  
  
Trieze: It is very difficult to remember the names of over a million people who   
you killed, but it can be done.  
  
Relena: Stay AWAY from girls with long blond hair and forked eyebrows.  
  
Dorothy: (X_x)  
  
Noin: This is MY hairstyle. MINE! Dekim and Trowa Barton stole it from me!   
(//.^)  
  
Trowa: . ., . . '. . . . . . . . . . . .!  
  
All but the G-boys: Huh!?  
  
Duo: He's spoken his limit for the day. Let me translate: No, it's MY hairstyle!  
  
Noin: (//_x)  
  
Sally: Don't keep a Gundam Pilot in your hospital. If you do, stay AWAY- the   
building is bound to be –partially- blown up.  
  
Lady Une: To get on the good side of Mr. Trieze, leave him rose scents.   
  
Zechs: If you are about to encounter a psychotic Gundam   
Pilot(coughHeerocough), it is wise to use a hologram of yourself- that is, if you   
don't want to get shot.  
  
Duo: Hilde is a very disobedient girl. But she's SO cute! [gets hearts in his eyes]  
  
Hilde: To in a braided baka's heart, cook for him. He probably can't do it himself.  
  
Catherine: Pay attention when you're throwing knives, don't muse about the   
poor clowns' life!  
  
Dorothy: Pink is SO ugly. GOLD is a much prettier colour.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Mutsukai: And that wraps up the first part. Do you want a second part? Review   
for it. Did I forget an *important* character? Review for it. Like the thing?   
Review. Pleeeeeeeease? 


	2. Edition 2

Mutsukai: Hello, my faithful readers, and welcome to Edition 2. I know it's been a long time in coming, but. . . *snore*  
  
Kankyo: Uh, Mutsukai, wake up.  
  
Mutsukai: *snore* *mumbles* I am awake, Kan-kan-yo. *snore*  
  
Kankyo: *sighs* I knew I should have gotten her non-drowsy cough syrup.  
  
Kankyo: *digs around, finds Alarm Clock* This should do it.  
  
Evil, Awful, Terribly Loud, Alarm Clock: BRIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!  
  
Mutsukai: *yawn* I'm up, I'm up. Roll the disclaimer, Muse. *yawn*  
  
Kankyo: Did that in the first edition.  
  
Mutsukai: *death glare*  
  
Kankyo: *nervously* Okay. Mutsukai doesn't own Gundam Wing, or it's characters, Sunrise does.  
  
Mutsukai: I will one day own Zechs. Bwa-ha-ha! *evil laughter*  
  
________________________________  
  
Relena: Heero bluffs. He goes on and on about killing me, but when I practically beg him to, does he?  
  
Noin: I STILL think that they stole my hair. YOU know who I'm talking about. (//.v)  
  
Trowa: . . . . . . . .  
  
Duo: He said 'Whatever'.  
  
Zechs: Don't try to kill a homicidal, genetically altered, gundam pilot.  
  
Heero: Blondie DOES have brains, after all.  
  
Wufei: Women are-  
  
Sally: Strong, intelligent, beautiful. *sharpens scalpel* That WAS what you were going to say, Wufei, wasn't it?  
  
Wufei: *gulps* Yes.  
  
Dorothy: Change allegiances often to remain alive and generally unharmed.  
  
Quatre: Don't fence with women with forked eyebrows.  
  
Trieze: There's no point to letting Colonel Une watch you take baths. She doesn't do anything. SAINT Une, on the other hand. . .  
  
Saint Une: Mr. Trieze has a lovely chest. *sighs dreamily*  
  
Colonel Une: Mr. Trieze is very efficient. He even works when he's having his baths.  
  
Duo: It is possible to convert adorable female members of OZ, even if you almost killed her.  
  
Hilde: Don't take up house with Gundam Pilots who are actually HAPPY. It's just a trick to get you to carry their groceries.  
  
Noin: It's about bloody time Zechs's mask broke.  
  
Zechs: Noin is like the cat in that song. You know, 'The Cat Came Back.'  
  
Noin: Your point?  
  
Mutsukai: *snore*  
  
Zechs: *thinking* Saved by the snore.  
  
Kankyo: *grabs alarm clock*  
  
EATLAC: BRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mutsukai: Wha-what? Oh, yeah, the fic. Not the end, but the end for now.  
  
Kankyo: You were going to write another page.  
  
Mutsukai: *snore*  
  
Kankyo: Oh well. 


	3. Edition 3

Chibi Kankyo: *super-hyper* Hello, and welc-  
  
Mutsukai: I'll do the talking. Ahem. Hello, welcome to Edition 3. Muse, stop pulling my hair.  
  
Chibi Kankyo: But it's sooo purty!  
  
Mutsukai: *looks at Kankyo and does a double-take* You got chibi-ified! How did this happen?  
  
Chibi Kankyo: Wheeee! 7-11 had a sale on pixie stix. *giggles* PiXie stiX. Funny.  
  
Mutsukai: *sighs* You're useless to me like this, you know? Only one thing to do. . .  
  
EATLAC: BBBBRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chibi Kankyo: Te-he. Me likes it! Again!  
  
Mutsukai: *reaches for bottle*  
  
Chibi Kankyo: Whacha doing, 'Sukai?  
  
Mutsukai: *Turns lid*  
  
Chibi Kankyo: Tell me!  
  
Mutsukai: *pours bottle contents into spoon*  
  
Chibi Kankyo: No! Not the-  
  
Mutsukai: *evil grin* Cod Liver Oil? Yes, Kankyo, come here.  
  
Chibi Kankyo: *whimpers*  
  
Mutsukai: Come!  
  
Chibi Kankyo: *grimaces and swallows the oil* Yuckies!  
  
*** Thirty Seconds Later ***  
  
Kankyo: Sorry about that.  
  
Mutsukai: *growls* We will have a discussion about this, Muse, mark my words. But first, roll the disclaimer. Actually, skip that.  
  
______________  
  
Heero: It is impossible to escape the Zero System. First Wing Zero, then Epyon. . .  
  
Relena: No one is who they seem to be. My father wasn't my father, Heero's enemy was my brother, and my last name is Peacecraft, not Dorlain.  
  
Quatre: It doesn't do any good to ask the enemy to stop fighting; they are obviously deaf.  
  
Trieze: You know something is wrong when your sadistic second-in-command doesn't want anybody to get hurt.  
  
Hilde: If you wish to betray OZ, just talk to a charming enemy while you're fighting him, then promise to do the grocery shopping. Works every time.  
  
Trowa: ..'. .... .. . . . .. . ..- .. . .. .. .. ... ..., ... . .. .. . ... ., .. ... .. .. .. . ...' ... .. .'. .. .... .. ..  
  
Duo: He said: It's easy to get a job at the circus- just dip your hand in skunk water, conceal the stench with a plastic bag, then stick your hand in a lions' cage. He won't come anywhere near you.  
  
Wufei: How do you know what he's saying?  
  
Duo: When I lived in the church I was always getting in trouble for talking during the sermons. So my friends and I learned how to talk without making any sound, so we wouldn't get in trouble.  
  
Quatre: You shouldn't have disobeyed the rules!  
  
EATLAC: BBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mutsukai: Muse! What is wrong with you? Can't you see we're writing a list here?  
  
Kankyo: It wasn't me! I don't know why it went off like that. Maybe you accidentally set it.  
  
Mutsukai: I don't make mistakes. I am perfect.  
  
Wufei: *gags*  
  
Mutsukai: Sally! Where are you?  
  
Sally: Right here.  
  
Mutsukai: Take that- *points to Wufei, who looks unconcerned* - and teach it a thing or two about respecting women.  
  
Sally: *Sadistic grin* Sure!  
  
*** 10 minutes, 34 screams, 7 pleas for mercy, and 15 apologies later ***  
  
Sally: I think he's learned his lesson.  
  
Wufei: I humbly apologize to your greatness for my lapse in judgment, and beg for your forgiveness, though I know that a mere man such as I is not deserving.  
  
Mutsukai: You're forgiven. *Yawn*  
  
Kankyo: Well, I'm off to bed.  
  
Mutsukai: Come back here, you little wimp! We haven't finished ye-ye- *yawn* yet.  
  
Kankyo: *soft, barely audible snore*  
  
Mutsukai: *ground-shaking snore* 


	4. Edition 4

Mutsukai: Okies, people, thanks for all your lovely reviews. I hope that you don't forget me, this being the last chapter and all.  
  
Kankyo: *sounding bored* How could they? You're simply unforgettable.  
  
Mutsukai: *sweetly* Thank you.  
  
Mutsukai: All right, now, this is the fourth and final installment of this fic. I'm too lazy to write it out, but it's at the top of the page if you really need to know.  
  
Kankyo: They don't.  
  
Mutsukai: *glares threateningly at idiotic Muse, brandishes the dreaded Sock* Kankyo, roll the dis-  
  
EATLAC: BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN-  
  
Mutsukai: *lovingly pats sledgehammer*  
  
Kankyo: *under his breath* Remind me never to get you mad.  
  
Mutsukai: Roll the disclaimer.  
  
Kankyo: Aren't you going to say please?  
  
Mutsukai: No.  
  
Disclaimer: The author of this fanfiction does not own any of the characters contained within. However, she is planning on stealing the rights to Zechs some day.  
  
Mutsukai: MUSE!!!  
  
Kankyo: *hides behind the smashed remnants of the EATLAC*  
  
* * *  
  
G-boys: *hiding behind a bush*  
  
Mutsukai: Sally, dear.  
  
Sally: Yes?  
  
Mutsukai: Where are the boys?  
  
Sally: Hiding like the cowards they are.  
  
Wufei: *from behind bush* *face turns red* I AM mmph-  
  
Other G-Boys: *muffling him*  
  
Heero: Baka! Do you want to give us away?  
  
Wufei: *shudders* No.  
  
Duo: *finds something under the bush* Hey, what's this?  
  
Quatre: I think it's . . .  
  
Heero: It couldn't be . . .  
  
Wufei: Could it?  
  
Trowa: Pixie Stix! *Grabs Pixie Stix from Duo* Mine, mine only . . . My precioussss! (AN: sorry, been watching too much LoTR lately)  
  
Duo: Oh. No.  
  
Heero: We're doomed.  
  
Quatre: Trowa, now, you know stealing is wrong. Give back the Pixie Stix!  
  
Trowa: No! *Tears the package open*  
  
Other G-Boys: *gasp*  
  
Trowa: *tilts the package towards his mouth*  
  
Other G-Boys: *collective holding of breath*  
  
Trowa: *consumes entire package in ten seconds*  
  
Duo: We should probably run.  
  
Wufei: It is not honorable . . . Where to?  
  
Chibi Trowa: *giggle* Hey, whacha whispering about, buddies?  
  
Other G-Boys: *facefault*  
  
Chibi Trowa: HEY! LET'S GO PLAY A GAME! FUN, FUN, FUN!  
  
Mutsukai: Ah, there you are! I was looking for you!  
  
G-Boys, sans Trowa: *shiver*  
  
Duo: Er, yes, um, you see, heh, we were just-  
  
Chibi Trowa: *picks up EATLAC* YAY! TOY! FUN FUN! *Starts fiddling with EATLAC*  
  
Kankyo: *wince*  
  
EATLAC: BBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mutsukai: KANKYO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! HOW COULD YOU LET A CHIBI NEAR THAT- THAT- THING?!?!  
  
Kankyo: Niu! (AN: Ever seen/read Rurouni Kenshin? Niu is to Kankyo as Oro is to Kenshin. Basically, is means huh/what/eep/ect.)  
  
Mutsukai: *knocks Chibi Trowa unconscious* All right, enough goofing off. Time to get to business. Heero, you go first.  
  
Heero: Girls who ask you to kill them generally aren't serious.  
  
Duo: Don't bother trying to save damsels-in-distress. They'll probably just spaz out on you.  
  
Relena: *glares* What, exactly, are the two of you trying to say?  
  
Duo: *whistles* Nothing.  
  
Wufei: Women can be honorable-  
  
Sally: Aww, how sweet, Wuffie!  
  
Wufei: -but it is highly improbable.  
  
G-Girls: *growl*  
  
Noin: Zechs is H-O-T without his mask.  
  
Zechs: *grins* Aren't I just?  
  
Noin: Well, it actually stands for Heaps Of Trouble, but, whatever.  
  
Zechs: *pouts a VERY adorable pout*  
  
Mutsukai: *drool*  
  
Noin: Back off! MINE! (//_v)  
  
Hilde: Avoid braided baka's at all cost- they'll trick you into fetching their groceries, cleaning their, house, making their lunch, and countless other things.  
  
Catherine: Some people are just more fun when they don't know who they are.  
  
Dorothy: Heh. Even a blunt foil can hurt people. *evil, maniac, laughter*  
  
Relena: Erm . . . Actually, I can't think of anything.  
  
G-Boys: Ditto.  
  
Mutsukai: *blinks* Well, then, I guess that's it . . . for now, anyways!  
  
* * *  
  
By the way, what do you think of a Gundam Elementary fic? The G-boys & their girls, as well as Noin would be in grade 1, and Zechs in grade 3. I'm the teacher, and Kankyo's the Teachers' Aid. Zechs has a crush on Noin, but things keep going wrong whenever he tries to show his affection. I'm writing the outline right now, so what do you think? 


End file.
